Are you banging on your tractor with a hammer?
As your starter motor gives up with a stammer
Has the lock froze on the cab door?
Has your battery turned and then died?
Are you kicking at your tyres as you cry..
So here it is flipping Christmas
It's enough to freeze your bum
Look out you turkeys
Coz it's only just begun
Are your cows all baying loudly for their grub?
As your quad bike struggles through the icy sludge
Now the yard is like an ice rink
And the chickens can't be seen
As the ducks glide by like Orville and Dean
So here it Is blasted Christmas
It's enough to freeze your ears
Look on the bright side
For it's only once a year
Did the school play seem like fourteen hours long?
And the carol service's endless hum-a-long
Have the kids all pinched the best chairs?
Have your wellies been chucked out?
As you try to smile while eating Brussel Sprouts
So here it is tacky Christmas
With its cards and fairy lights
Twelve days of humbug
And an overload of rhyming trite!
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